feeling quite numb at the moment, as my imood shows. stuff happened last night. it usually has some form of effect, and it's turned out to be this huge sense of absolute lethargy. i can't be bothered to do anything at all. including blog. and i think i'm suffering some form of depression. this weekend can't get any worse.

*edited sunday 8/9/2002*

jumped at 1:28 AM

just got back from meeting her. which was brilliant. spent 2 hours in kfc in holland village dissing the other half of the human race. *sparkle* well, two particular members of it anyway. lol. was exactly like how it used to be, glad we haven't changed that much. i've been friends with her for.. oh... *starts counting* 10 years now or thereabouts. there's little we don't know about each other, and she's lovely *bearhugs cat* thanks dear. for everything. :)

there's other stuff i want to post about, but i'm sleepy again, and i'm heading for a nap. *yawn* still haven't quite recovered from my jet lag yet.

jumped at 11:11 PM

hrm. this entry will be about chasing. so people who can't stand it can stay clear k? *grin*

anyway, went to amy's bday thing today, (happy bday again hon!) and started talking about chasing again, which i haven't for ages. was quite a trip down memory lane. thing is, think i've been away too long. lol. the last time i really chased a band was prolly a1 in september 2001, after that it was just showcases here and there. noone remembers me anymore! *whine* lol. kidding peeps, i ain't that self centred. or maybe i am. bah. either way, i really want to go for another band, just to see how many ppl are there that i know. used to be a time i couldn't walk down the side of an autograph queue without loadsa people recognising me, now all the ppl i know are likely to be standing somewhere looking bored. lol. none of us have patience anymore.

i won't go on about this too much, cos it'll bore you all to tears, but i really miss those days. time and money wasting, but hell was it fun. lol. was looking thru all my old a1 pics too. wonder where the real copies are, sure i have quite a few autographed. *sigh* anyway, for anyone interested, they're here. only a few though, my other 12 or so with ben aren't up, as with the rest with the other guys. too embarrassing. lol. *sigh* i miss em.

jumped at 8:42 AM

today was pretty good. :) i got module prizes!! *gape* 2nd overall in module and top for immunology, microbiology and eds. *bounce* money money money! not very much, but enough to develop my photos. :p

and our 3rd year project is apparently really tough. were talking to dr zaman today, and the scope of it is quite overwhelming me. i mean, they spoonfeed us all the way, and suddenly chuck a full research project on us. like, eep? but anyway, i'm sure we'll do fine. :) i hope anyway. lol. need to go order our bacterial strain from the states tomorrow.

was 45 minutes late for class today, what's happened to all the taxi drivers in Singapore? Left to become buddhist monks? waited for 1/2 hour before calling one, that took 15 minutes to get there. baaaaah. anyway, it was a 4 hour practical, and i'm beginning to dislike practicals intensely. i don't like my new class. no offense hon, but i just don't. maybe i haven't given them a chance, but i just feel intensely uncomfortable in class. *shudder* we'll see. :)

either way, i'm a very confused person at the moment. very, very confused.

jumped at 4:15 AM

"do you derive joy when someone else succeeds?
do you not play dirty when engaged in competition?
do you have a big intellectual capacity but know that it alone does notequate wisdom?
do you see everything as an illusion? but enjoy it even though you are not of it?
are you both masculine and feminine? politically aware?
and don't believe in capital punishment?

these are 21 things that I want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer

do you derive joy from diving in and seeing that loving someone can actually feel like freedom?
are you funny? � la self-deprecating? like adventure?
and have many formed opinions?

these are 21 things that I want in a lover
not necessarily needs but qualities that I prefer
I figure I can describe it since I have a choice in the matter
these are 21 things I choose to choose in a lover"
- 21 things i want in a lover ~ alanis morissette

one question, what happens when you appear to desert all your preferences?

jumped at 6:36 AM

not going to talk about the weather. i'm sure it's boring everyone around me, sure as hell is boring me. but damn, it's hot! okay, enough said.

it seems that more and more of my friends seem to have outlooks on life that interest me. that i never found out about before. or those of new friends that i've talked to more than i have most of my older friends. the funny thing is, it seems that they all have the most incredibly cynical outlooks i've ever imagined. true, life may have no purpose at all, perhaps we're not here for any reason, just purely by chance, but even so, you can still enjoy yourself, have different experiences, the whole of the world is there for you to discover, why convince yourself to just muddle along in such a functional manner? i'd rather a whole lot of ups and downs than just a static day to day comfort. more uncomfortable perhaps, but still, makes life far more interesting. one is convinced he's off relationships forever. at the age of 19? *blink* my own personal theory is that life is about other people, and your interactions with them. i want to find someone who can complete and complement me, to be there for me and for me to be there for. perhaps i've just been reading too many mills and boon *shrugs*, but to cut that possibility out completely?

he said that it was due to his past relationships that he felt that way. fine. they were bad experiences, and he said something along the lines of what if the next one is like that, and the next, and the next? does he keep looking forever? i haven't got the right to answer that for him, but i'd say yes for myself. it's never wasted, nor all bad, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger etc. then again, often it hurts so much. perhaps he's right, and digging a 5 foot moat around your heart makes your life much easier, as does having less expectations from life in general. but i hope he's not, and i hope he changes his mind about that, for more reasons than are apparent.

jumped at 5:21 AM

well, that's the first day of school over. it was quite quite strange. elynn and shannie appear to have swapped hairstyles, and shannie's changed so much it's quite quite bizarre. *blink* not to mention i only could sleep 2 hours last night, and i'm still very much on UK time. *yawn* but yea, everyone's changed quite a bit. especially those who went overseas, and i'd include myself in that. :) it's all good though.

went out with sarah after school to chat a bit :) thanks for keeping me company hon. met jane as well, but wasn't particularly good company since i was sleeping all the way home and plopped on the bed as soon as i got home. *blinks blearily*

need to talk to my mum about money. don't think i have enough time to get a job, this semester's going to be an absolute killer. argh. have found a distraction though, but it's much too soon to say how big a one it will turn out to be. *sparkle*

jumped at 5:05 AM

back. and feeling absolutely dreadful. i didn't expect it to be this bad honestly, though i knew i wasn't going to be too happy to be back, i didn't expect myself to be so depressed, i almost cried on the way back home in the cab. *sigh*

as you can probably tell, paris and london were great, we had shitloads of fun, as well as a couple of hairy and sometimes downright weird experiences. (almost got pickpocketed, visited the museum of erotic arts with ZQ, lol.)

i miss them, i.e. Peiyi, ZQ and Xuefen, we really shared so much, spent every minute of every weekend, not to mention the past week together, and i'm going to miss them terribly. granted we're still going to be in school together, but it's not going to be the same is it? ah well, change being the way of life etc as ZQ keeps telling me.

The flight wasn't bad, for a 15 hour flight, saw Superman and Ice Age (which was so funny i almost fell off my seat laughing), and had a nice pillow for the flight, read: ZQ. lol.

the weather is DISGUSTING. and i stink. so i'm going to bathe, and resign myself to being in singapore again. bah. oh, and my mum's nagging me ALREADY. *cry* I want to get the next plane to Heathrow!!

jumped at 7:24 AM