[ fallen angel ] i've got a hole in me now, yea i've got a scar i can talk about..

Saturday, May 17, 2003

why do i seem to always want to start my entries with a *yawn* nowadays? it's after the exams, i'm supposed to be well rested. slept most of yesterday away, til i met someone in the evening near my place to talk for a bit. some stuff might? might not? be happening with regards to him, but i'm not going to say much until i have more concrete evidence that this time he means what he says. at least nowadays i have a bit of time to think about things.

met terrence after for supper at holland village, which meant yet another round of talking and teasing, which i won hands down, having scored 3 very solid points. *sparkle* i'd better be on guard though, he might be preparing for our rematch as i speak. heh. so by the time he left, it was 4am again, i'd better try turning my sleeping times around a bit on the off chance that i might get a job that yannoe, starts at 8.30am and such.

which is the other point. i need a job. or i at least need to start getting off my lazy arse and doing stuff before i start down the slippery slope to slobdom. i do need cash though, so the job would be preferred. *grin* any ideas people? agency recommendations?

jumped at 8:45 PM

my feet ache. ow ow ow. haha. if i knew we were going clubbing after the prom why on earth didn't i wear flats? lol.

anyway, starting from the beginning.. the D&D itself was alright. the emcee was seriously pathetic though. felt like jabbing the fucker with my fork. i was just like, shut the fuck up and let us eat in peace you fuckwit. but *cough* yea. the food was good, and the company better. :) there were so many flashes going off i think i was kinda blinded. lol. could close my eyes and see countless little fireworks going off. *grin* got photos with almost everyone i wanted to, but think i missed out nicola and beng chyuan. bah. oh wells. there's always graduation. haha.

food-wise, the prawn salad with mango was lovely, as well as the chocolate mousse, *swoons*, heavenly. *grin*

and yes, that deserved a paragraph all to itself. whole bunch of us went down to MS after, left at 3, and went to the 24hr swensens at crown prince hotel. until 6. then i took the first bus home. haha. and slept. and slept. and slept. and i think.. i'm off to bed again. *grin*

jumped at 1:23 AM

Thursday, May 15, 2003

*pictures wallet finally dying of its internal haemorrhage and floating up to the great big pocket in the sky*

well. heh. met sarah and peiyi again to shop, purportedly for the prom tomorrow night, and as such we did actually manage to stick to that for the most part. total damage for me, $101 or so. heh. oops.

suede bag (dorothy perkins)

black evening bag (dorothy perkins)

short black satin skirt (dorothy perkins)

black/grey eyeshadow set (bourjois)

but yea, they're mostly for the prom night tmr, though i think i've decided not to wear the satin skirt after all. *ponder* still not sure what i'm wearing, honestly. and neither are we certain what we're doing after it. *grin* can't wait to finally hang out with people without the threat of something or other looming over our heads, though those with externals next monday are going to be a bit on edge. :p i do wonder how i'm going to keep myself from looking -too- slutty tomorrow though. heh. might get stopped at the door of the hilton telling me they're sorry, but they don't allow soliciting on its premises. lol. but sarah assured me it wasn't too much. *crosses fingers*

anyway, going to try and get a good nights sleep tonight, to try and keep my eyebags from being quite so humongous tomorrow, still need to wax and everything too! and paint my nails. bleh. wonder if it's really going to be worth it. lol.

jumped at 5:28 AM

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

oh. my. god. it's over. it really is. that's it. 3 years of ngee ann, over. we're as good as graduated. especially since we didn't really screw up the external, in fact, it actually went rather well, though he asked us quite a few questions, mostly about the background of the bacteria and the virulence genes we targeted. but they were, for the most part, manageable, and dr z said we did okay. *phew* but yea, that's IT. it still hasn't really sunk in yet, i wonder how long it'll be before it does. i had a little flicker of it just now, my life stretched out without markers for the foreseeable future, and it scared me half to death. the fact is, i have no job as yet, no concrete plans for uni, and if i don't want to end up slacking the rest of my 7 months away before i (hopefully) start uni, i'd better get to exercising my brain properly. which means, to the library! *bounce*

also, sarah and i met up with peiyi to go shopping for the d&d this friday, it's back on, and as we all weren't informed until last thursday, still didn't have any idea what to wear or whether or not to pay someone to do my hair/makeup etc. got our eyebrows done, which is one thing out of the way, so tonight will be spent giving myself a home pedicure, think the manicure will have to wait til fri morning, or it'll definitely chip. my fingernails have something against me at this point. heh. also going to be trying out makeup tonight, to see if i can do it myself. i HATE putting on under eyeliner, so that's the main thing i'm worried about, everything else is used pretty much daily, just in less quantity. *grin* but honestly, it's such a relief that this is all i have to worry about. no deadlines. no projects. no presentations. no tests. no exams. no lab reports.

i think it's been too much for me, i'm off to bed. because i can go off to bed. because i've had an average of 4 hours sleep per night for the past week and a half. oh, happy day! haha.

jumped at 4:04 AM

Tuesday, May 13, 2003

okay. we have been practicing. yay for us. still gives me the collywobbles everytime i think of tomorrow though. it's at 10.30am. our moment of doom. haha. just checked it out, the guy examining us is the Executive Dean of the University of Queensland School of Biological and Chemical Sciences. ooooops. our only slight reprieve is that his area of expertise isn't anything to do with our beloved Helicobacter pylori, his field is molecular pharmacology/toxicology. there may be hope for us yet. the people who've been doing their presentation say he's pretty friendly, though he asks a lot of questions, but i'm still unconvinced it's going to go smoothly. particularly with dr z looking on! *panic*

jumped at 5:52 AM

Monday, May 12, 2003

seen here,

free enneagram test

i'm a 7 and a 3, an amalgamation of the Enthusiast and the Achiever, and i have to say the test results are very accurate. This is the description of the type 3:

The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type:
Adaptable, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious
(The Narcissistic Personality Disorder)

Basic Fear: Of being worthless
Basic Desire: To feel valuable and worthwhile

Profile Summary for the Enneagram Type Three
Healthy: Self-assured, energetic, and competent with high self-esteem: they believe in themselves and their own value. Adaptable, desirable, charming, and gracious. / Ambitious to improve themselves, to be "the best they can be" � often become outstanding, a human ideal, embodying widely admired cultural qualities. Highly effective: others are motivated to be like them in some positive way. At Their Best: Self-accepting, inner-directed, and authentic, everything they seem to be. Modest and charitable, self-deprecatory humor and a fullness of heart emerge. Gentle and benevolent.

Average: Highly concerned with their performance, doing their job well, constantly driving self to achieve goals as if self-worth depends on it. Terrified of failure. Compare self with others in search for status and success. Become careerists, social climbers, invested in exclusivity and being the "best." / Become image-conscious, highly concerned with how they are perceived. Begin to package themselves according to the expectations of others and what they need to do to be successful. Pragmatic and efficient, but also premeditated, losing touch with their own feelings beneath a smooth facade. Problems with intimacy, credibility, and "phoniness" emerge. / Want to impress others with their superiority: constantly promoting themselves, making themselves sound better than they really are. Narcissistic, with grandiose, inflated notions about themselves and their talents. Exhibitionistic and seductive, as if saying "Look at me!" Arrogance and contempt for others is a defense against feeling jealous of others and their success.

Unhealthy: Fearing failure and humiliation, they can be exploitative and opportunistic, covetous of the success of others, and willing to do "whatever it takes" to preserve the illusion of their superiority. / Devious and deceptive so that their mistakes and wrongdoings will not be exposed. Untrustworthy, maliciously betraying or sabotaging people to triumph over them. Delusionally jealous of others / Become vindictive, attempting to ruin others' happiness. Relentless, obsessive about destroying whatever reminds them of their own shortcomings and failures. Psychopathic, murder.

Key Motivations: Want to be affirmed, to distinguish themselves from others, to have attention, to be admired, and to impress others.

Examples: Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Tom Cruise, Barbra Streisand, Sharon Stone, Madonna, Sting, Whitney Houston, Ted Danson, Michael Jordan, Shania Twain, Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarznegger, Truman Capote, and O.J. Simpson.

and this is the type 7:

The Busy, Fun-Loving Type:
Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered
(The Manic-Depressive and Histrionic Personality Disorders)

Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content � to have their needs fulfilled

Profile Summary for the Enneagram Type Seven
Healthy: Highly responsive, excitable, enthusiastic about sensation and experience. Most extroverted type: stimuli bring immediate responses � they find everything invigorating. Lively, vivacious, eager, spontaneous, resilient, cheerful. / Easily become accomplished achievers, generalists who do many different things well: multi-talented. Practical, productive, usually prolific, cross-fertilizing areas of interest. At Their Best: Assimilate experiences in depth, making them deeply grateful and appreciative for what they have. Become awed by the simple wonders of life: joyous and ecstatic. Intimations of spiritual reality, of the boundless goodness of life.

Average: As restlessness increases, want to have more options and choices available to them. Become adventurous and "worldly wise," but less focused, constantly seeking new things and experiences: the sophisticate, connoisseur, and consumer. Money, variety, keeping up with the latest trends important. / Unable to discriminate what they really need, become hyperactive, unable to say "no" to themselves, throwing self into constant activity. Uninhibited, doing and saying whatever comes to mind: storytelling, flamboyant exaggerations, witty wise-cracking, performing. Fear being bored: in perpetual motion, but do too many things � many ideas but little follow through. / Get into conspicuous consumption and all forms of excess. Self-centered, materialistic, and greedy, never feeling that they have enough. Demanding and pushy, yet unsatisfied and jaded. Addictive, hardened, and insensitive.

Unhealthy: Desperate to quell their anxieties, can be impulsive and infantile: do not know when to stop. Addictions and excess take their toll: debauched, depraved, dissipated escapists, offensive and abusive. / In flight from self, acting out impulses rather than dealing with anxiety or frustrations: go out of control, into erratic mood swings, and compulsive actions (manias). / Finally, their energy and health is completely spent: become claustrophobic and panic-stricken. Often give up on themselves and life: deep depression and despair, self-destructive overdoses, impulsive suicide.

Key Motivations: Want to maintain their freedom and happiness, to avoid missing out on worthwhile experiences, to keep themselves excited and occupied, to avoid and discharge pain.

Examples: John F. Kennedy, Benjamin Franklin, Leonardo DiCaprio, Kate Winslet, Elizabeth Taylor, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Steven Spielberg, Robin Williams, Jim Carey, Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Bette Midler, Chuck Berry, Elton John, Mick Jagger, Gianni Versace.

oh great, so i could either murder someone, or commit impulsive suicide. hahaha. but yea, very true. (not the murder bit, silly.) bolded bits are ones i especially agree with. :)

jumped at 8:37 PM

ARGH. dammit. the internal examination was fucking awful. dr k and dr z just sat there and looked at me and i got SO bloody nervous. then of course, dr z stopped me after every single point in every single slide to point out how we should change it, while dr k just sat there and looked inscrutable. til he opened his mouth, and we died. heh. ARGH. every question he asked! i swear, i could pass him a whole report full of stuff we knew except for one tiny fact and he'd be able to pick out that fact. fuck. so we stammered through the presentation, and died during the Q&A, and i'm now convinced i can begin planning for my funeral on thursday. or wednesday evening actually. keep your wed night free people. sarah & i will have a double funeral. :)

the external examiner is not likely to be as direct in humiliating us, but i still think we're going to really really not make it for the Q&A session. he asked one of my coursemates, "If I had $10 million, how would you convince me to invest in your project?" HOLY FUCKING SHITE. we're screwed. we are so fucking screwed. fuck fuck fuckity fuck. haha. dammit. my hands are shaking just thinking abt it. and dr z told us he'd been pretty horrible to all the groups so far. oh yay. *crawls into a corner and hides under a blanket* i'm not coming out til this is all over. *sucks her thumb* i don't fucking care! *cry*

jumped at 6:45 AM

Sunday, May 11, 2003

just got back from a family dinner at mandarin hotel, chinese as usual, so i didn't have a clue what most of the stuff i put in my mouth was. various chewy things, and lots of mushrooms. but a delicious, heavenly mango dessert. *drools just remembering* sooo nice. heh. anyway, today was pretty good on the whole, kinda got a few things settled, though i'm still a bit overemotional. *sigh* anyhow, tmr is the internal! *panic* i'm scared dammit.

jumped at 6:47 AM